Do You Know Your Erotic Blueprint? It May Remodel Your Intercourse Life
Born in 1995, I’m painfully (re: existentially) conscious that I sit squarely on the sting of the younger millennial/geriatric Gen Z-er divide. I take my sizzling woman walks, hair claw-clipped again, all of the whereas conscious that my ardour for pumpkin spice candles reductions any shred of classy social capital I attempt to amass. However as I toe the road between the 2 generations, there’s a consistency break up between them that I adamantly help: an unapologetic, ardent protection of sexual freedom. Put merely: love who you like (and by no means, ever faux an orgasm).
Sadly, my adolescent intercourse schooling pushed a story of worry—and a worry of my physique developed. So, once I began faculty, the concept intercourse might be pleasurable and passionate was overseas and much from the truth I’d been offered with. Fortunately, instances have modified, and whereas the political powers that be try to restrict girls’s sexual empowerment, my social feeds and chosen media retailers are nonetheless absolutely in help of rewarding intercourse.
Featured picture from our interview with Goop editor, Megan O’Neill by Belathée Photography.
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And that, pricey readers, marks my segue into how I got here to uncover my erotic blueprint. No, Sex, Love, & goop wasn’t the catalyst for my discovery (although I’ve watched the Netflix present since). As an alternative, I got here to the subject by a humorous form of digital word-of-mouth, when a good friend shared on their Instagram story that studying their erotic blueprint modified not solely their intercourse life for the higher, however their relationship with their physique, sexuality, and the world round them. After all, I used to be intrigued.
It was my curiosity that introduced me to Anne Extra, an Worldwide Sexologist whose mission is to help {couples} and singles alongside their journey to sexual self-discovery, construct wholesome relationships, and lean into erotic pleasure. Her strategy is inclusive, compassionate, and led by empathy—so naturally, she’s the right particular person to share all of the deets on the totally different erotic blueprints.
Under, Anne dives deep into the historical past behind the erotic blueprints, gives a complete breakdown of the 5 sorts, and shares how studying your personal erotic blueprint can change your intercourse life—and life fully—for the higher.
What’s the erotic blueprint?
Nice query! Everybody has an Erotic Blueprint™ that explains your sexual preferences, wants, and needs. Collectively, the 5 Erotic Blueprints™ give {couples} and singles a menu of how turn-on works in your physique, how one can please your companion and ask for what you need, and increase your definition of “intercourse” into an entire new world of play and erotic potentialities.
The Erotic Blueprints had been created by Miss Jaiya out of her greater than 20 years of labor as a somatic sexologist. They’re based mostly on the ways in which totally different our bodies reply to pleasure, contact, phrases, and vitality in erotic exploration. Since their creation greater than eight years in the past, they’ve helped hundreds of {couples} reignite their intercourse lives, and hundreds extra singles discover and create the love lives and intercourse lives of their desires.
I imagine sexual incompatibility is a fable. The Erotic Blueprints assist to offer a framework to grasp that being totally different isn’t an issue. Moderately, it’s a possibility to take pleasure in studying from one another and discovering all the brand new wild and fantastic locations you may meet erotically, so you may deepen and increase the methods you join.
You possibly can see extra concerning the Erotic Blueprints on the Netflix present Sex, Love, & goop.
How do each of the five erotic blueprints differ?
It’s important to know that there’s no hierarchy in the Five Blueprint Types™. It’s not better to be Energetic vs. Sexual, or Kinky vs. Sensual. It’s just the way you are wired for pleasure, and you are not wrong, broken, or bad because your desires may look different than “normal” sex, or even different than your partner’s.
In bringing this work to the world, we in the Blueprint Community want everyone to know, that your desires are good, and your turn-on is sacred, and a gift, just the way you are. There’s nothing to change or fix. That said, here’s a basic overview of the Five Blueprint Types.
Energetic Types
Energetic Types are the sensitive, intuitive empaths of the erotic world. If you’re Energetic, you love tease, anticipation, and longing. You need to feel your lover’s full presence, and you find deep and even cosmic meaning in sex. Sex to you starts way before any physical touch: with presence, breathing, eye gazing, and feeling one another’s energy.
Energetics can have orgasms without touch, and can feel everything that’s happening in their partner’s body as well as their own. They are like the Jedi of the sex world! They can often tap into sexual energy at will, and tend to love learning and experiencing everything about tantra, kundalini, yoga, crystals, sound baths, and erotic energetic vibration.
Sensual Types
Sensual Types bring the beauty and romance to sex. If you are Sensual, you can have full body orgasms when all of your senses are ignited: taste, touch, sound, smell, and sight. You love kissing, cuddling, sensual feasting, skin-to-skin contact, slowing down and savoring every move. Sensuals often dress beautifully, celebrating textures and colors and clothing that feels delicious on their bodies; they enjoy beautiful surroundings, live music, art, and great food, all of which can be orgasmic experiences for these heart-centered hedonists.
If you are a Sensual, you need to relax to have sex; you are delighted by massaging touch, warm oil, candles, beautiful and harmonious settings, sunsets, sexy dancing, music, and opening your lover’s heart as well as your own with slow, attentive, romantic lovemaking.
Sexual Types
Sexual Types are all about naked bodies, penetration, genitals, and orgasms! They want directness and certainty. Sex, to them, is often about intercourse and genitals, and anything else doesn’t really count. They tend to speak and approach sex with very clear and direct language: Are we going to do it? Want to have sex with me? Is it going to happen tonight? When?
Sex, for them, is a real need for regulating their nervous system: they have sex to relax. It’s like food or air or water; it’s what makes them feel loved and alive with a sense of belonging. When they are having regular, fulfilling sex, all is right with the world, and they can approach life with a sense of resource, generosity, and joy.
Kinky Types
Kinky Types love everything that is taboo, forbidden, naughty, and off-limits. They love breaking rules and playing erotic games that bend and challenge what is “normal” and “acceptable.” There are two main types of turn-on, in the Kinky realm: Sensation Kink and Psychological Kink.
Sensation kink is all about exploring taboo sensations in the body: intense sensations like impact or scratching or being tied up; wrestling, being held down, and primal play (biting, wrestling, pouncing). Psychological kink is the wide world of mind games and role play: domination and submission, fantasy play, erotic body worship, surrender, BDSM.
Kinky Types have a million ways to play, and a million ways to ignite arousal and orgasm, especially when sensation and psychological adventuring are combined in creative ways. The most important words in the Kink world are play and consent: approaching everything with openness and curiosity, making sure everyone is enthusiastically agreeing to both desires and boundaries in any given play session, and being clear about what is wanted and not wanted.
Shapeshifter Types
Shapeshifter Types love adventure, novelty, and contrast. They are sophisticated lovers who have access to easily playing in any of the other four Blueprint Types. They can please partners in any Blueprint.
They are sometimes the people pleasers of the erotic world. It’s easy for them to give their lover what they want, but sometimes that means their complex and changing needs aren’t being met. Their challenge is to ask for all of what they want, including variety and erotic adventures beyond what their lover’s Blueprint might imagine.
What is a shadow? What are the shadow sides of each type?
Each Erotic Blueprint Type has superpowers—the places for that Type where sex becomes exciting, arousal amps up, and orgasms are easy, accessible, and abundant. Each Blueprint Type also has
shadows: unconscious places where your body and any sexual connection may suddenly shut down or go offline and arousal disappears. It’s often the flip side of the superpower.
Let’s look at some examples:
Energetic Types
Being super sensitive and empathic as an Energetic can mean great, connected, mind-blowing sex where you feel fully merged with your partner, body and soul. But sometimes, it can means struggling to have boundaries or feeling overwhelmed and shutting down if your lover rushes in to grab or touch you without taking time to get present, ground, and connect. Energetics can sometimes be hierarchical and judgy, as well. They can feel like their preferred kind of sex is superior to other Types because it’s more spiritual or more meaningful.
Sensual Types
Sensuals can have full body orgasms when all of their senses are delighted. Their Shadow is that if anything feels “wrong” in the environment or the experience, they can get stuck in their heads and struggle to feel anything, including pleasure and arousal.
If you are a Sensual, you may get stuck in thought loops if the music is too loud, the “wrong” song came on, the room is messy, you’re worried that you or your partner didn’t shower, or your to-do list takes over in your head. You may also need to give yourself time to transition from everyday life into “sexy time.” Your body needs time to relax and reset; you can’t just shift on a dime from doing your taxes to doing wonderful sensual things.
Sexual Types
Sexual Types LOVE sex and generally find penetrative sex and orgasms to be easy and obvious. Their Shadow is that because that directness is easy and works for them, they may have a narrow definition of sex, and feel that anything that doesn’t go straight to genitals and penetration, doesn’t “count.”
Other Blueprint Types may experience Sexuals as demanding or overly direct. If a Sexual Type is partnered with a different Blueprint type, they may struggle to understand why their partner seems so complicated and why it’s worth their effort to learn to please in new ways. But their love of frequent, satisfying sex and love for their partner generally wins out, and Sexuals can learn to expand into any and all of the Blueprints and become masterful lovers in any erotic adventure.
That’s true of all the Blueprints: the great thing about learning all Five Erotic Blueprint Types is that your erotic possibilities expand exponentially, and you can play and please in a whole world of new ways, with any kind of partner.
Kinky Types
Kinky Types have the superpower of being able to play in almost limitless ways, but they often carry deep shame about their desires, because of our society’s narrow definition of how “normal” and acceptable sex is supposed to look. It’s a common misconception that people who like kink are somehow mentally ill or deranged. All kink is a perfectly normal thing to be into, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult (just like in every other kind of sex!).
If you are Kinky, you may never have told your lover about your kinky desires, because you may have been afraid they would judge you or even leave you. You may not ever have admitted them to yourself, or you may have done so only after years of trying to bury or deny them. The great news for Kinky Types is that once we acknowledge and accept our kinkiness, research shows that we are among some of the happiest and most well-adjusted erotic explorers on the planet.
Most recently, a 2020 study published in the Sexuality Research and Social Policy journal shows that people who participate in BDSM “score similarly on most measures of psychological health, have similar levels of trauma and childhood experience as the general population, and relationship health.”
Shapeshifter Types
Shapeshifters are complex, intricate, and sophisticated as erotic beings; once they embrace this, it becomes a superpower, but until that time they may feel like it’s wrong to ask for so much. If you are a Shapeshifter, you may feel like you are too much and too complicated. You may feel like you can never ask for what you truly want, because no one will want to give it to you.
The opposite is true: once a Shapeshifter learns to own how big they are, they become an erotic playground all by themselves. Shapeshifters bring the party everywhere they go, and doing so unapologetically with joy and confidence gives permission for everyone around them to do the same.
How can you learn your erotic blueprint?
The first step in learning your Erotic Blueprint is to take The Quiz! It gives you a quick overview of your primary Erotic Blueprint Type, which is a road map to how you experience pleasure, and the kinds of touch, intimacy, and sex you like best.
Once you have that overview, if you want to dive deeper, you can join our community or you may look by a listing of Certified Erotic Blueprint Coaches. And for those who already understand how life-changing and groundbreaking this work will probably be for you and also you need the deepest dive doable with an Erotic Blueprints Grasp Coach, you may apply to work with me.
How will you talk your erotic blueprint to your sexual and/or romantic companion(s)?
Once we introduce one thing new into the sexual dialog, we are able to create pleasure by beginning out with the intention of invitation and curiosity. So, relatively than saying how bored you’ve been, what isn’t working, and the way your companion wants to vary, strive as an alternative to really feel what’s vital to you about this, and share vulnerably along with your companion from that place.
If you happen to can study what their Blueprint is, then you are able to do this much more successfully by utilizing the sort of phrases and physique language that their Blueprint responds to. Some examples:
- For a Sensual companion, you may speak about the way you wish to decelerate and savor intercourse with them, how lovely and romantic intercourse is with them, and the way you wish to really feel much more swept away once you make love collectively.
- For a Sexual companion, you may communicate to their need for certainty and frequency by assuring them that studying about your needs and please you in your Blueprint, will truly imply that they are going to get extra intercourse with you, extra usually, and it is going to be even hotter and extra orgasmic for everybody (together with them).
Earlier than you start the dialog, ask if it’s a superb time to speak about one thing enjoyable and vital. Be sure to each are calm, resourced, and that you’ve got uninterrupted time to speak. Be interested in what could also be developing for them, and if they’ve issues about not feeling adequate or that they’ve been disappointing you by not realizing this earlier than, guarantee them that that is new for you, too, that you just care about them and the connection with them, and also you’re sharing this now since you’re enthusiastic about discovering new methods to play and discover, collectively.
How can studying your erotic blueprint enhance your intercourse life?
Realizing your personal Blueprint helps in so some ways! It means you might have a language to explain what you need and wish sexually, in a method that’s not judging or shaming, however merely invitations new understanding. The extra you realize about your personal Blueprint, the extra you realize about what your physique loves.
So many people grew up considering that it’s not okay to speak about intercourse or ask immediately for what we would like—which suggests we’re usually left feeling like we’ll by no means get what we’d like. Studying the Blueprints adjustments all of that. Realizing your personal Blueprint means you may inform your lover what you need and set them as much as win by having the ability to offer you precisely what you most crave.
Studying your companion’s Blueprint helps much more, as a result of then you may provide them precisely what they need, in the way in which they need, and you then really feel like a Intercourse God/dess Rock Star as a result of they suppose you’re the most effective lover they’ve ever had!